Since enduring a great loss in my life and making yet another human, I can’t quite grasp what has happened to my relationship with food… and furthermore, the impact that relationship has had on my body and how I feel day in and day out. Sure I am exhausted from said tiny humans and working, but I think what is holding me back from my true potential of feeling amazing and alive is the fuel I put in my vessel.
Some of the feelings behind food vary…
I survived this so I deserve to eat anything I want.
You only live once… may as well live with cheesecake.
I miss him… maybe I should eat his favorite Ben and Jerry’s.
Work is exhausting, can’t wait to wind down with a glass of wine.
Prosciutto is my home… it brings way too much comfort to deny myself.
Well… I am making food for another tiny human… best get in those extra calories.
Should we have a cheese plate at that party? Maybe with some fresh salami? We are celebrating after all.
Did someone say Tuesday? Well that is taco Tuesday… with extra guac!
Does it have copious amounts of dairy? I am in! Shake or mozzarella? why not both?!?!
Ohhhhh… and the pure addiction to fake coffee (decaf). Yes… though it is decaf and has been for the past 5 years, I cannot shake that hardcore craving for that smell and flavor first thing in the morning… and thereafter any time I pass a starbucks or dutch bros!
You name it… I have felt it. Any reason for my hall pass to put whatever food (or drink) in my body whenever. Throughout my last year or so some things have crept back in my vessel. More dairy than necessary, salt, salt, salt, sugar, soda, fake coffee by the gallons, pizza, wings, wine, even dangerous little mini desserts from costco my hubs will bring home to bring cheer. Once upon a time it was health that gave me cheer.
I have that distant memory of the girl that lived to put healthy food in her body and the “hall pass” was much more limited. The girl that enjoyed hiking and working out. The girl that could take the stairs and felt actually awake during the day versus in a fog. I miss that girl… and I have the power to go find her.
With that, I am taking the plunge. May 1st I will make an attempt at the Whole30 and hope to crush it like it is my job! Once my energy and health feels balance, I truly believe the rest will come.
You are only given one body… why not make the most of it?