With the end…

The end of an era.


how lucky i am

I have had far too many this year.  Any ending provides time for reflection.  A yearning to go back in time.  A reexamination of every moment from start to end.

The first time I saw you.  Our adventures.  Our soundtrack.  Our triumphs.  Our days in the trenches.  Every tear.  Every laugh.  Every late night call.  Every moment where you just showed up at the perfect time.  Every moment you picked me up when I was down.  Every moment I picked you up.  Every plan to navigate this thing we call life.  Every moment where you were the copilot.
When someone leaves your life the brain does amazing tricks.  Tricks beyond my wildest dreams.  Files and files of memories that you did not know were stored come back like a flood. A flood of moments.  A flood of emotions.  A flood of pictures.  A flood of knowing what will painfully be no longer… no more new memories to store away.

The way the brain stores memories and details can bring upon both pain and joy.  Pain that you just never grasped how much one other human could mean to you and now they are gone.  How could hundreds of thousands of memories be stored if they didn’t mean everything to you? Joy because you learn to appreciate every moment you had with that person… Now realizing it meant even more than you once thought.

As we go through life there are moments.  Hugs.  Laughter.  Tears.  Hand holding. Hours and hours of conversation.  The big debates.  Even the fights.  It will all be stored just as the moments that have already passed.  There will be more room.  More room for both joy and pain because nothing is permanent.  Enjoy today.  It will not be here tomorrow.




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