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When we were kids it seems all we did was pretend.  We pretended we were running a vets office or the horrid pet shops up in the play room.  We pretended you and Matt were whales and dolphins and I was the trainer for Sea World.  Some days I wanted a little sister so bad that you would pretend you were a girl and let me paint your toes and curl your hair.  When you were a toddler and beyond you wanted to be a baby so bad you would make me put your drinks in a bottle and lay you in the bassinet you could barely fit it.  We would play spa day and do face masks with honey and put cucumbers on our eyes.  As we got older your favorite pretend was that I was a chef and you were a food critic – that one seemed to go the duration of our lives.  We had such amazing and vivid imaginations.

It would seem those same abilities may help me now and moving forward.  Whether it is my mind playing tricks on me or just my own way of coping… I pretend… every day.

This week at the grocery I picked up extra limes just in case you wanted guacamole… when I realized I didn’t need to do that I reluctantly put them back.  I will never do that again because that was too hard.  I will buy the limes.  I will buy the cream cheese for your chili dip and summer pizza, I will buy weird ice cream flavors, fancy drinks, and anything I think you would love.  I will pretend I am still shopping for when you stop by.

When I do laundry, I will pretend I am still doing yours.

When I cook, I will pretend you will still taste it.

When I get ridiculous gadgets, I will pretend you will swing by later to try them out.

When a new movie comes out, I will pretend we may go see it.

When a new restaurant opens, I will pretend we will go there.

When a new bar opens with their own beer, I will pretend we will go for a tasting.

When a new TV show sparks my interest, I will pretend we will marathon it for days.

When Skylar does something ridiculous or similar to how you were, I will pretend I can still tell you and hear your laugh.

When we have dance parties, I will pretend you are on the way to join us.

When I hear the dogs wrestling out back, I will pretend you are rolling around with them making all sorts of strange noises and Bella is making that shriek she has only ever done for you.

When I am upset, I will pretend you will still call me to calm me.

When someone sends me a card saying how sorry they are and that I have saved their loved one so many times, I will pretend I saved you too.


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