What Would Jack Do?

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A longtime joke of ours has me thinking.  What would Jack do?  If you were here and I was going through this for someone else… what would you tell me to do?

I can only guess from many years of advice so here it goes.

Dance.  Lots of dancing.  Dance like the world is a party and it is always my favorite song playing.  Wave my hands around like crazy even if I may end up knocking others over.  Don’t apologize for my incredible dance moves that clearly run in the family.IMG_0010

Eat.  Lots of eating.  I am making a habit of buying your favorite foods and using them as my treats.  Thank you for the custard ice cream, the new york seltzer soda, the cafe mocha caramel from seattle espresso, the taco bell, the Hawaiian chips, and more.
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Go places that are saved for special occasions whenever.  I will go to Benihana finally.  I will revisit the melting pot.  I will go out for seafood (but remember not to get the lobster because you sure didn’t like it).   I will go anywhere because it sounds good.

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Lose myself in good stories – books or tv.  Your last recommendations to me was Narcos and Gotham… so it will begin.  Every marathon on netflix or hulu I will think of you and wish we were sharing our smorgasbord nights.

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Build people up.  No matter where they start you always said you can leave them even better.  Whether a bad day or a tragic loss I will build people up.  I try to be like you in every way including always thinking of others.
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Give back.  I will give of myself.  I will donate.  I will volunteer.  I will teach my children to be just like you and always sit with the kid that is all alone.  I will teach them to always invite the new kid to their groups.  I pray they will have even a fraction of the huge heart you showed all of us.

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Drive and jam.  No matter where the day leads me, when I feel I can’t take another minute, I will drive and put on our jams.  I will remember every moment of our impromptu karaoke and live it up.

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Cry less.  You said the least favorite thing in the world was to see mom or I cry.  Sorry we are screwing that up big time these days but I hope you understand.  I do keep reminding myself when I feel that I can’t breathe… you would hate this and do anything to make it stop.

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Laugh more.  Thank god for all the memories I have of you that make me laugh until I cry in a good way.  You had a way of turning the worst situation into an amazing memory.  No matter how bad things got, you fixed it in a flash with making every laugh right along with that great roar of yours as you gave that huge side hug and jostled our shoulders nearly out of place.

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Love myself.  You never had a shortage of love for me.  Even when I couldn’t see my worth, you always did and told me in such a way that I believed it.  I will remember all the words you ever told me and even when others are not as kind to me, I will remember back to your words.  Even if I see in others something other than love when they look at me, I will remember the way you looked at me up those stairs the day I got married.  Huge smile and tears running down your face.  Your love for me was so thick and so pure it could help me through anything life had to offer.  That face of yours made all life’s hurt disappear.  I will forever remember that face… that love… every minute of every day as if it never left.

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You haven’t left.  That is how I can write these words.  How I can feel you so deeply.

Jack I hope you know that I loved you every bit as much as you loved me and if it is possible, even more.

Go… go to the sky…

Now what in the hell, what am I supposed to do
Just turn around and regret it
Or press on and make it through?
See life is a lesson, one big fucking session
And it’s right there in front of you

Go, go to the sky
Devote and try
Don’t you want to believe?
Well, go, go to the sky
Devote your life, no boundaries

Go, go to the sky
Devote your life
Don’t you want to believe?
Well, go, go to the sky
Devote your life, no boundaries

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