Our Conversations

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When I was 14 I said I could not make the change, I could not move. You said it would be ok because we will be together.

When I was 15 I said my heart was broken. You said he never deserved my heart and I was lucky he was gone.

When I was 17 I said I wanted to leave home to go off on adventures but didn’t want to leave you. You said you would always be there and could not wait for all the stories.

When I was 21 I told you I kept a secret from you our entire life. You said it would never matter and it didn’t. You also said no matter what the past, present, or future I would always be your Dana and that would never change.

When I was 22 my heart broke once more and that time it was worse. You said let the love go and if it was meant to be it will come back.

When I was 24 I told you another secret, one that I thought may change everything. You laughed with a great roar and said we would make a competition out of life for who could out do who with the craziest curve balls… and again… I was still your Dana and that would never change.

When I was 28 I told you I thought that love may be coming back but I was scared. You said let’s go on a date with him together… that is totally normal… and you gave that sideways smile… and we did.

When I was 29 I told you I got a dog… and then another… and I just didn’t know what I was thinking. You said it would be ok, and that you would train them and play with them anytime… and you did.

When I was 30 I said I am going to marry that love of mine and I thanked you for always leading me back to him. You said this wedding will be the best party this world has ever seen…and it was.

When I was 30 I told you that you were going to be an uncle. You told me babies scare the shit out of you but you would be the best uncle ever… and you were.
When I was 31 the doctor told me they had to get the baby out no matter what by a csection. I panicked horribly until I got my phone… pressed your name… and you said, it will be ok let’s get that girl out, can’t wait to meet her and I will be right there…. And it was and you were.

When I was 33 I told you that it was another girl. You said YAYYYYYY a sister for Skylar. She will be a legacy for you. Wish you could meet the sweet Finley Jackson. I can’t wait.

Our conversations will change now. It has started.

Last week I had a horrific meltdown and screamed so loud. You dropped a feather in front of me.

The other day I told you I needed to feel all of it and you sent a storm.

This morning I cried in the shower and apologized to you for crying. You made the showerhead fall right on me.

Our conversations are more frequent now and in that way I guess I am lucky. I love you Jackson. Can’t wait to hear what you say or do next.

The week before you left I played a song over and over for Cary and Sky and we danced around the house… I kept thinking how I couldn’t wait to dance with you to it. Meghan text me last night that she is playing the same song thinking of you repeatedly. Thank you for continuing to be a part of all of our days.  You S.O.B. I love you more than life.

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